Escape to the Poconos: Your Perfect Holiday Inn Express Getaway!
Escape to the Poconos: Your Perfect Holiday Inn Express Getaway! – A Review That's Actually Honest (And Maybe a Little Chaotic)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the Holiday Inn Express in the Poconos! I'm not going to lie, I'm usually a "boutique hotel with exposed brick and a questionable art collection" kind of person, but sometimes, you just need a reliable, no-frills escape. And that’s where this place steps in. This ain't gonna be one of those reviews. You know, the ones that are suspiciously perfect? Nope. This is the real deal, imperfections and all. Consider this your Poconos planning companion.
First Impressions & Getting There (Accessibility, Car Park, and the Initial Freak Out)
Okay, let's get the practical stuff out of the way.
- Accessibility: Whew, they actually talk about it! I’m thrilled. The site claims "Facilities for disabled guests." That's huge, and a good foundation for a smooth experience. They should be catering for accessibility, and it's a great sign.
- Car Park: YES to free car park! Gotta love a hotel that doesn't nickel-and-dime you from the get-go. I saw they have a car power charging station, which is a massive plus for anyone with an EV.
- Airport Transfer: Not mentioned explicitly, but the website would be the place to check. If I'm driving, it's less of a worry.
The Room: My Personal Fortress of Solitude (Mostly)
First off, Yes, to the Wi-Fi [free] in all the rooms! Huge. I need to be connected, even on a getaway. The Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, and a Refrigerator are all essential in my book. And the desk? A lifesaver for anyone needing to sneak in a little work (don't worry, I won't judge, I know you're all doing it).
- Bedding: Extra long bed is a massive plus. I hate feeling cramped. The linens were decent. Not luxurious, but clean and comfortable.
- Bathroom: The separate shower/bathtub situation? Score! And having an additional toilet is a luxury. (Am I right?!)
- The Awkward Moment: Okay, full disclosure. The hair dryer was one of those wall-mounted contraptions that felt like it was going to explode at any second. I survived. Barely.
Cleanliness, Safety, and the COVID-Era Protocols (They Actually Try!)
I’m still a little anxious about traveling. But… this Holiday Inn Express actually tries. My anxiety was a bit tamed knowing they’re rolling out sanitization and hygiene measures.
- Daily Disinfection: Yes!
- Rooms Sanitized Between Stays: Important.
- Hand Sanitizer: Everywhere. (Like, almost too much. My hands felt like they were in a constant state of dryness).
- Staff Trained in Safety Protocol: Big sigh of relief here.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Good.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Or, "Where Did All the Good Food Go?")
Ugh, this is where it gets a little… meh.
- Breakfast [buffet]: It's a Holiday Inn Express, so temper your expectations. We had the usual suspects: eggs (probably from a carton), sad little sausages, some pastries, and the ubiquitous waffle machine. My waffle turned out like a hockey puck, it was rough. The breakfast takeaway service is smart in the current climate.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Essential.
- Coffee shop: None that I remember.
- Snack bar: Nope. The vending machine offered very uninspiring options.
- Restaurants: The website says there are "restaurants near you", but nothing on site. This is a bummer.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (Or, "Is This Place Just For Sleeping?")
Oh boy, and am I excited about the Spa.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: I love a pool! We were there in the summer so the outdoor pool was a major win.
- Fitness Center: I peeked in. Basic. Treadmills, some weights, and enough space to not feel totally cramped.
- Spa/sauna: The website promises it. Promises.
Services and Conveniences (The Little Things That Matter)
- Daily housekeeping: Crucial.
- Laundry service: Nice to have; I hate leaving with a mountain of dirty laundry.
- Convenience store: For those emergency snacks and forgotten toiletries.
- Elevator: A MUST.
- Front desk [24-hour]: Important for late night emergencies.
For the Kids (Important if you have em, Less so for me)
- Family/child friendly: The Holiday Inn Express brand is, generally a good bet for families.
- Babysitting service: Worth checking on the site.
The Verdict (And My Highly Subjective Rating)
Honestly? For a reliable, clean, and reasonably priced getaway in the Poconos, this Holiday Inn Express does the job. It's not going to blow your mind with luxury. It's not going to become a memory. But, it's somewhere you can get a good night’s sleep, enjoy the local scenery, and feel relatively safe.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars.
Now, for the BIG Sell: My Offer to You!
Tired of the everyday grind? Craving fresh air, stunning scenery, and a little escape? Escape to the Poconos and actually enjoy a relaxing getaway!
Here’s what you get when you book this getaway package:
- Cozy accommodations: A comfortable, well-appointed room and maybe the "extra long bed,"
- Complimentary breakfast. Okay, okay, it may not be fancy, but it's convenient!
- Access to ALL the amenities: Swim, gym, and maybe the secret sauna!
- Free Wi-Fi: Stay connected while you disconnect from the world.
- Close proximity to hiking trails, waterfalls, and breathtaking views. Yes. This is a big deal.
What's the Deal?
For a limited time, book your getaway at Escape to the Poconos: Your Perfect Holiday Inn Express Getaway! and receive a 15% discount and a complimentary bottle of wine upon arrival (because, let's be honest, we all need a little something to enhance the relaxation).
But wait, there's MORE!
When you book now, you'll enter a draw to win a free one-night stay!
Don’t wait! It’s time to trade city chaos for mountain magic.
Click the link below (that I definitely haven't provided because I can't), and book your perfect Holiday Inn Express getaway!
Book Now! (Please!)
Luxury Vinhomes CP: 3 HUGE Bedrooms Await! (Landmark Views!)
Alright, here's a hot mess of a travel itinerary for the supposed Holiday Inn Express in Mount Arlington, NJ. Buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy (and probably overpriced) ride.
The Mount Arlington Misadventure: A Very Human Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (or, the Search for a Decent Breakfast)
- 1:00 PM: Arrive at "New York Stewart International Airport" (a.k.a. the airport that feels like it's in the middle of nowhere, even though it's supposed to be near gasp New York). Realistically, the flight was delayed. Again. Seriously, is on-time arrival just a myth? I'm already running late, already stressed. Begin the quest for Enterprise rental car. Pray it hasn't been driven into the ground by someone else.
- 2:30 PM: Finally escape the airport's overpriced pretzel and stale coffee trap. Driving, which the GPS says is a 1-hour and 30-minute journey, but come on, we all know that's a lie. Feel a sudden urge to pull over and scream into the void, but resist (for now).
- 4:00 PM: Arrive at the hallowed halls of the Holiday Inn Express. Pray it doesn't smell like chlorine and regret. Check-in: will this be a quick, painless process, or will I have to endure the usual small talk about how my day was and do I need help with my bags? (The bag situation is always awkward).
- 5:00 PM: Unpack. Find that one sock that always goes missing. Decide it's my travel spirit animal. Try to watch TV, the remote is a mystery.
- 6:00 PM: Hunger strikes. I search for food. In Mount Arlington. My expectations are rock bottom. End up at whatever's open. Maybe it's chain food, maybe a diner with questionable health code practices. Either way I'm in.
- 7:30 PM: The evening is mine. Read a book, and stare at the walls, or try to find the will to go out and see the neighborhood.
- 8:00 PM: Realize I forgot something important - snacks! Consider a late-night run to CVS, but also consider the existential dread of late-night CVS, and the choices it presents, and the junk food it sells, and… nah. I'll find something in the vending machine.
Day 2: Lake Hopatcong and the Battle of the Breakfast Buffet
- 7:00 AM: Waking up in this hotel room feels a lot like waking up in a slightly nicer purgatory.
- 7:30 AM: The Breakfast Buffet Battle Royale. Picture this: a sea of lukewarm eggs, suspicious-looking sausage patties, and the lingering threat of bad coffee. I approach with a hungry, critical eye. The waffle maker might be my best bet, but the line is endless. Is it worth the wait? (Spoiler alert: it's never really worth the wait.) The yogurt is probably expired.
- 8:30 AM: After breakfast. Head out. Head to Lake Hopatcong. Maybe take some pictures?
- 9:30 AM: Take pictures. Stroll a bit. The lake is beautiful in that serene way that makes you forget about everything else for a while. Maybe I'll buy an overpriced ice cream.
- 11:30 AM: Return to the Hotel.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a local establishment… or, well, another local establishment. The criteria: can I walk there?
- 1:30 PM: Maybe another walk. Mount Hope Historical Park.
- 3:00 PM: Napping, or watching something completely unremarkable on cable TV.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner (see above)
- 8:00 PM: Feel a sudden urge to have fun, but realize I have no friends and am miles from civilization. Debate ordering a pizza. Consider having a conversation with the vending machine.
Day 3: Departure and the Eternal Question of "Did I Enjoy This?"
- 6:00 AM: The dreaded alarm. The final morning. The inevitable feeling of being tired, despite having done absolutely nothing strenuous.
- 7:00 AM: Breakfast round two. Try a new angle on the buffet. There’s gotta be some way to outsmart the system!
- 8:00 AM: Pack. The suitcase is a metaphor for life: stuffed with things I probably don't need and a few things I'll definitely regret forgetting.
- 9:00 AM: Check out. The front desk clerk asks if I enjoyed my stay. Do I lie and say yes? What if the hotel is secretly grading me on guest happiness?
- 9:30 AM: The drive back to the airport. The same soul-crushing monotony, but this time, with the added bonus of post-vacation blues.
- 11:00 AM: Drop off the rental car. The gas gauge is always, always wrong. The parking attendant is always, always slightly judgmental.
- 12:00 PM: Board the delayed flight. Wondering if I'll be able to recover in time to get back to real life. The airport food is still bad.
- 1:00 PM: The flight departs. Look out the window. The view is not inspiring.
- On the plane: Reflect on everything. Did I have fun? Probably not, but at least, at least, I have stories to tell and a deep, abiding love for the free shampoo. The hotel was, well, a hotel. And I survived.
- Post-Trip: The memory of Mount Arlington might fade, but the craving for a decent cup of coffee, a clean bathroom, and a stress-free vacation will never leave me. Until the next time, of course. Then the cycle begins anew.
Escape to the Poconos: Your (Potentially Chaotic!) Holiday Inn Express Getaway FAQs
Okay, first things first: Is this really the *perfect* getaway? My expectations are low... and I'm okay with that.
"Perfect" is a STRONG word, friend. Let's be honest. Perfect is *rare* when you're juggling kids, packing the car like Tetris, and hoping the vending machine actually works. Holiday Inn Express is usually a solid, dependable choice, like a well-worn pair of jeans – comfy, reliable, probably not going to win any fashion awards. This trip to the Poconos? Well, it *could* be perfect. It also could involve a rogue rogue rubber ducky. Let's just say, "perfect" is aspirational. Think "memorable"... that's more my speed. And that's the goal, right? To make memories? Even if those memories involve a questionable continental breakfast and a screaming toddler. (Spoiler alert: likely scenario.)
What's the deal with the Poconos? I picture log cabins and… snow?
Log cabins? Yep, plenty of those! Snow? Well, depends *when* you're going. We went for a weekend in late October, and honestly? Absolutely gorgeous. The foliage was INSAAAANE. Driving along those winding roads, leaves like fire everywhere... it was breathtaking. (And then my kid threw up in the backseat. See? Memories.) The Poconos are basically that glorious mix of nature and a little bit of everything. Think hiking, skiing (in winter, duh), waterslides for the kids (and probably you, no judgment), charming small towns, and… well, casinos. Don't knock it till you try it. Or don't. Depends on your risk tolerance levels and your credit card balance. You can also just chill out and order pizza. I did that one night, and it was the *highlight* of my day.
Holiday Inn Express, really? Isn't that… basic?
Yes. It is. And sometimes basic is *exactly* what you need. Let me tell you a story. We were exhausted. We'd driven for seven hours with two kids and a dog who thinks he's a soprano. The Holiday Inn Express? Clean. Predictable. Free breakfast (that's important). A pool (even more important). They have a certain… charm, right? Like a comfortable pair of slippers.
Okay, fine, the charm is probably the *absence* of anything too shocking. The beds are usually comfortable. The staff are usually nice. The whole thing is designed to *not* take up too much of your mental energy. And after a long drive with kids, that's GOLD. My honest opinion? When you're traveling with family, sometimes "basic" is a freaking oasis.
Breakfast: Tell me *everything*. Is it truly "continental"? Are there waffles? (Say yes. Please.)
THE BREAKFAST. Okay, so here’s the deal. The "continental" aspect is usually accurate. Toast, bagels, the occasional sad-looking croissant that has seen better days. The *waffles*… that's the golden ticket. They *almost always* have waffles. And the waffle machine? That's where the magic happens. I’m not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for a good waffle. You can load it with syrup, powdered sugar, maybe a little whipped cream if you’re feeling fancy. (Don't judge. Vacation calories don't count, right?) On this particular trip, the waffle machine was *slightly* temperamental. One minute golden brown, the next… charcoal. But hey, that's part of the fun! Or it was. Until my four-year-old decided to decorate the buffet table with melted chocolate. (Again, see "memories").
The pool! Is it gross? Are there screaming kids? Tell me the TRUTH.
The pool, ah, the pool. Okay, so, "gross" is subjective. But if you're expecting pristine Olympic-sized perfection, you're in the wrong place, friend. Holiday Inn Express pools... they're usually… functional. And, yes, there are almost always screaming kids. That’s the key. Screaming kids are *part of the experience*. This particular pool was indoors, which was great because, again, October. It was also… warm. Really warm. Like, felt like you were swimming in lukewarm soup warm. And the chlorine smell? Strong. But my kids? LOVED it. They spent hours doing cannonballs, splashing each other, and generally being glorious little monsters. So, was it perfect? No. Was it fun? Absolutely. Would I go back? Probably. Because, let's face it, the chaos is part of the charm.
What about things to *do*? Beyond the pool and the… waffles?
Oh, the Poconos have *plenty* to do! Hiking trails galore! Water parks (seasonal, obvs). Skiing/snowboarding in the winter. Canoeing. Kayaking. Go-karts. Mini golf. Themed restaurants. And… casinos (again, if you're into that sort of thing). We opted for a hike one day. Let me tell you about that hike. It was supposed to be "easy." (Lies, all lies!) My toddler decided that the best part of the trail was throwing rocks. My older child whined about being tired. I tripped over a root and nearly face-planted. The dog kept trying to eat questionable things off the ground. But the views? Stunning. Totally worth it. (Maybe.) Or maybe I'm just romanticizing it now, weeks later, as I sit here remembering the absolute meltdown that happened when we ran out of granola bars. It's a gamble. You win some, you lose some. Like… roulette, I suppose.
Any packing tips for a successful (or, at least, survivable) trip?
Pack snacks. Pack *more* snacks. Pack extra underwear. And socks. Don't ask. Pack a first-aid kit. Band-aids are your friend. Wet wipes. So many wet wipes. (Trust me.) Pack a small toy or two for each kid, but don't overdo it. They'll get bored of them anyway. Bring a good book or download some audiobooks for yourself. You'll need a mental escape. Pack a portable phone charger. Duh. And, most importantly… pack your sense of humor. Because things *will* go wrong. You *will* forget something. You *will* yell at your kids. (We all do it.) And you'll still end up laughing about it later. Probably. After you've had several glasses of wine. And survived.
World Of Lodging
