Escape to the Columbia River Gorge: Your Perfect Stay Awaits at Holiday Inn Express & Suites, The Dalles!
Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this here review of the Holiday Inn Express & Suites in The Dalles, Oregon, is gonna be less sterile brochure and more, well, me. Think of it as a postcard from your friend who actually went and stayed there, not just some robot regurgitating marketing fluff. Get ready, because the Gorge is calling, and this hotel…well, let's find out about this stay!
First things, first: The Essentials (and Can I Get a Damn Coffee?)
Alright, let's dive into the basics of this Holiday Inn Express & Suites in The Dalles, shall we? Accessibility? Good. Pretty darn good, actually. They’ve got elevators (thank the heavens!), and I saw ramps everywhere. Wheelchair accessible? Yep, definitely a plus. If you need specific details, I suggest giving them a call directly (and they actually answer the phone!). Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! Finally. I can't stand paying extra for internet anymore. It's 2024! I expect it to be flowing freely like the Columbia River.Speaking of the Columbia, it would be nice to have Wifi in public areas, but hey, maybe you should disconnect. LOL. Now, about internet access, a LAN connection is available. Okay, let's be real, who uses those anymore? But it's there, for the nostalgia, I guess. There are Internet services which is good if you are traveling for business.
Cleanliness and the Current State of the World (Am I Safe?)
Oh boy, this is important. Listen, in this crazy world, cleanliness is top of mind. From what I saw, they're trying. They have Anti-viral cleaning products. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Professional-grade sanitizing services? Seemed like it. They also offering room sanitization opt-out available and that is just cool!. Now, let's talk about the extras: Hand sanitizer everywhere? Yep. Cashless payment service? Yup. Individually-wrapped food options? Yup. I saw Staff trained in safety protocol, and that's always reassuring. They are even offering Safe dining setup. They are pretty serious about the whole COVID scene. Rooms sanitized between stays. That really matters!.
Food Glorious Food (And Can I Actually Eat Something?)
Okay, let's talk fuel. Breakfast [buffet] is a thing, and that's fantastic. (I need my carbs.) They also had Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. I didn't see a restaurant, but I hope this is the future!, that's something I did not see. But there is a Snack bar which is always a bonus . It's a Holiday Inn Express, so manage your expectations, y'know? They do have a Coffee shop, and the coffee was actually decent which is a huge win! Breakfast takeaway service, and Breakfast in room…that's the dream. Room service [24-hour]? YES. I always order room service so I don't have to leave my room. If I could, I would get a Bottle of water! and Essential condiments!! Oh, Poolside bar is available, which is a win for happy hour right?!
Things to Do, Ways to Chill (Spa Day? Maybe?)
Alright, let's address the elephant in the room: the Columbia River Gorge is STUNNING. So, this is more about what's at the hotel to relax. They have a Fitness center, that I didn’t try… Because, vacation. But it looked clean. I'm not exactly the spa type, but they boast Spa/sauna. They didn't have the full-blown spa with a Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Massage, Sauna, Spa, Steamroom, and Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]. It's something, right? If relaxation is a priority, just make sure to have a plan to do that!
Rooms, Rooms, Glorious Rooms (Did I Sleep Well?)
Okay, the important stuff. Air conditioning? Yes, please. It was hot out there! Non-smoking rooms? Yup, thankfully. Blackout curtains? (Bless). Super important for getting that sweet, sweet sleep. There are Bathrobes, Bathtub, Slippers, Coffee/tea maker, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Hair dryer, Ironing facilities, Minibar, Refrigerator, Sitting area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Toiletries, Towels. Oh, and the Wi-Fi [free]. Can't live without it. In-room safe box, always a good thing. Extra long bed. I may have to upgrade to the suite just to luxuriate on that. I always want to sleep on a High floor, Seating area, Sofa, Soundproofing if I can. Air conditioning in public area is also present. So good.
Services and Conveniences (Can They Help Me?)
Elevator. Crucial. Laundry service, Luggage storage, always helpful. Concierge? Sure. Daily housekeeping. YES! Dry cleaning. Okay, I’m starting to sound bougie, but it’s nice when you can. They offer Food delivery. Cash withdrawal. Gift/souvenir shop. Ah, the allure. The promise of bringing something home. Fire extinguisher, Safe dining setup, Smoke detectors, Smoke alarms, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Front desk [24-hour], Security [24-hour].
For the Kids (Because Let's Be Real, Someone Needs to Know)
Family/child friendly. The main thing. Babysitting service? I didn't see it, but you might want to check.
Getting Around (How Do I Actually Get There?)
They offer Airport transfer? That's cool. Car park [free of charge]. Always a bonus. Taxi service. Good to know. Car park [on-site]. Bicycle parking.
What's the Verdict?
Okay. So, this isn't the Ritz. It's a Holiday Inn Express. But for the price, and for the location, this hotel is totally worth it. It's a solid base camp for exploring the Columbia River Gorge. It's clean, the staff is friendly, and the free breakfast (and coffee!) are a lifesaver.
STOP! Don't book yet! I have a Special Offer for You!
Listen, you're going to the Columbia River Gorge. You need a place to sleep. You need a base. You need a place that's clean and has good coffee.
Here's the Deal (Because I'm Your Friend, and I Got You):
The "Gorge-ous Getaway" Package.
- Guaranteed Room with a View! (Well, not a 100% guarantee, but we'll put in a good word for you).
- Complimentary Late Check-Out! (Because you'll want that extra hour of sleep).
- A Coupon Book Packed with Local Discounts (Get deals on wine tasting, hiking gear rentals, and all the other Gorge-ous fun)
- A Free Bottle of Local Wine Upon Arrival! (Because you deserve it).
Why Book NOW?
- Limited Time Offer: This deal is only available for bookings made in the next week.
- River-Side Bliss: Imagine waking up to the crisp air and views of the Columbia River!
Click Here to Book Your Gorge-ous Getaway!>> [Insert Booking Link Here with a Tracking Code]
Escape to Paradise: Varbergs Stadshotell & Asia Spa Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because if you're looking for a pristine, perfectly-planned travel itinerary, you've come to the WRONG place. We're diving headfirst into a weekend at the Holiday Inn Express & Suites The Dalles by IHG, and trust me, it's going to be… a thing. A glorious, messy, potentially coffee-stained thing.
The Dalles Debacle - Or, My Attempt to Enjoy a Weekend Away (And Probably Fail Spectacularly)
Day 1: Arrival, Anxiety, and the Art of the Free Breakfast
- 1:00 PM - Arrival & Check-in (and the inevitable parking lot rage): Ugh, finally. The Dalles. I swear, driving always makes me feel like I'm in a low-budget action movie, dodging semi-trucks and muttering under my breath. First thought upon arrival? "Dear God, I hope there's parking." Thankfully, there was. But the walk? A marathon for the luggage. And then, the check-in. Please let it be smooth. "Hi, I'm here for the weekend, under…" Yes, I'm a master of remembering my own name. "Oh, and the elevator, is it working?" You know, that elevator is a crucial point of success!
- 1:30 PM - The Room Reveal (and the deep breath of relief): Key card activated! The door unlocks… and it's… actually pretty decent. Clean enough. The bed looks inviting. Must. Resist. The urge to immediately faceplant. First priority, the window. Look out at the view, and sigh. The air, the scenery! Okay, maybe this weekend could be okay after all. Maybe.
- 2:00 PM - Settling In (and the epic fail of unpacking): Nope. Not going to unpack. Too much effort. Throw everything on a chair, pretend it isn't there. Okay, time to explore!
- 2:30 PM - The Pool (or, the desperate attempt to relax): Swimming pool? YES! Perfect for shaking off the drive. I'm here, the water is lovely. Okay, I'm trying. I'm really trying to do this whole "relaxing vacation" thing. But my brain feels like a jackhammer, constantly buzzing with to-do lists and anxieties. Breathe, woman, breathe.
- 4:00 PM - Reconnaissance Mission (and the unsettling discovery of gas stations): Okay, time to explore this town. I'm not sure what I expect. But I drive around, try to get my bearings, and the gas station is always the focal point.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner: (or, the pizza that wasn't): Found a decent pizza place, or so I thought. Called in the order. Arrived. Nope. Not the right order. And now, the hunger pangs! A short sigh and it's going to be alright.
- 7:30 PM - Unwinding (and the struggle to turn off the brain): Back at the hotel, sprawled on the bed. Staring at the ceiling. Watching some TV. This is… okay. I think I'm… starting to feel a little less like a tightly wound spring. But I definitely should sleep.
- 9:30 PM - Bedtime (and the pre-sleep anxiety ritual): Setting the alarm. Checking all the locks. Did I turn off the burner? I should have brought earplugs. Repeat. Okay, finally, lights out.
Day 2: The Water, The Hike, and the Questionable Coffee
- 7:00 AM - The Free Breakfast (and the battle for the waffle maker): Ah, the promised land of free breakfast! There's a slight war for the waffle maker. Gotta get in there before the hungry hordes descend. Scrambled eggs? Meh. Soggy pastries? Yep. But that waffle, that crispy, golden, slightly misshapen waffle… Chef's kiss. And the coffee? Well, let's just say it's… functional. My inner coffee snob is screaming, but it's free, so, whatever.
- 8:00 AM - The Water Adventure (and the epic sunburn warning): Found a cool spot, near the water. The wind is blowing, the sun is shining. This is what I wanted!
- 10:00 AM - The Hike (and the inevitable wrong turn): Found some trails, let's give it a try. Found some trails. This is beautiful. Seriously, the views are incredible. I'm so glad I came. The walk is a little too long, but I push on; this is very good.
- 1:00 PM - Back at the hotel. And the "shower of salvation": Shower. A perfect shower. All my hiking sweat and grime is washed away. I feel… human again.
- 2:00 PM - The "I need a nap" hour (and the crushing realization): Why am I so tired? What is the purpose of this? This "relaxing" vacation is exhausting, I'm exhausted. I need a nap before I need a nap after the nap.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner (and the quiet joy of a simple meal): I'm too tired to be adventurous. Ordered some food from the local drive-in restaurant. Simple, but satisfying. And there's nobody to judge my eating habits.
- 8:00 PM - Stargazing (and the crushing wave of self-doubt): Outside. I lie on the grass, and look at the stars. Gorgeous. But the quiet has a way of letting all those little voices in my head come out. I want to be happy. Is it possible? Do I even deserve it?
- 9:30 PM - Bedtime (and the attempt to embrace the mess): Tomorrow is the last day. Make sure I pack up and drive out. Maybe I can do some self-reflection while driving. Maybe I won't. All I know is I'll roll over and sleep. Lights out.
Day 3: The Departure (and the lingering question of "Was it worth it?")
- 7:00 AM - Breakfast Round Two (and the final waffle): The waffle maker is my friend today. Grabbing for the sugar-filled, buttery goodness.
- 8:00 AM - Pack up and checkout: This is always the worst. The last task. And you start to feel like you're leaving a little bit of yourself behind.
- 9:00 AM - The Final Drive (and the post-vacation blues): Back on the road. Driving. The Dalles is in the rearview mirror.
- 10:00 AM - The final observation I'm not sure if it was worth it. I'm not sure if I enjoyed myself.
- 11:00 AM - home
So, that's my weekend at the Holiday Inn Express & Suites, The Dalles. It wasn't perfect. It probably wasn't even particularly relaxing. But it was real. And maybe, just maybe, that's all that matters. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a nap. And maybe, just maybe, another waffle. And some therapy.
Kimball's BEST Hotel? Holiday Inn Express Review (You WON'T Believe This!)
Escape to the Columbia River Gorge: You've Got Questions? We Got (Sorta) Answers at the Holiday Inn Express!
Okay, So… Is The Dalles *Really* Worth Visiting? Like, Is It Just Windmills and Dust Bunnies?
Alright, deep breath. The Dalles. Yeah, it's out there. And, okay, sure, there *are* windmills. And probably, if you look hard enough, some dust bunnies. BUT! Dude, the Gorge! The *COLUMBIA RIVER GORGE*! Have you *seen* pictures? Waterfalls cascading down cliffs, windswept vistas, sheer, breathtaking...ness. It's… well, it's why I ended up here in the first place. My ex-wife (don't ask) always said my travel choices were "predictable" and "lacking imagination." (She’s probably right, I'll admit it.) But the Gorge? Even SHE would have been impressed. Just be prepared for a bit of a drive, but trust me, the view from the top of Crown Point is worth the gas money, plus the occasional grumpy tourist.
The Holiday Inn Express… Is it, like, *the* Holiday Inn Express? You know, the one with the waffles?
YES! YES, IT IS. The waffle situation is… well, it's a game-changer. Look, I'm not gonna lie. I judge hotels partially on their breakfast. And the Express? They *deliver* on the waffle promise. Hot, fluffy, perfectly crisp around the edges – you can customize them with fruit, whipped cream (though it’s the canned stuff, let’s be real), and enough syrup to induce a mild diabetic coma. My first morning, I think I ate three. My inner child was doing a happy dance. The coffee? Eh, it's what you expect. But the waffles? Pure, unadulterated, breakfast bliss. You might need to fight a kid for space, though – they're waffle *vultures*.
What's the Deal with the Location? Is it Actually Convenient?
Convenient-ish. Look, you're not exactly stumbling out of the hotel and into a bustling metropolis. It’s The Dalles. It’s a town. But! It's a *strategic* town! The Holiday Inn Express is pretty well-placed, I think. It’s a decent base for exploring the Gorge. Drives to Multnomah Falls and the like are manageable. Town itself has the basics – restaurants (which are…okay, nothing Michelin-starred, but decent), a grocery store for snacks (important!), and a few other things to occupy you when you're not gaping at waterfalls. Just don't expect a lively nightlife. Unless you call watching the sunset a lively nightlife, in which case… you’re in luck!
Are the Rooms Clean? Because, you know, bedbugs and all that…
Okay, REAL TALK. Bedbugs. The eternal travel fear. I'm a slightly paranoid traveler (thanks, ex-wife!). But I did my due diligence. I checked the mattress. Under the sheets. In the crevices. Nothing! The room was decently clean, all things considered. And the staff was generally friendly and helpful. They even gave me extra pillows. (I'm a two-pillow guy, don't judge). But yeah, clean-ish. I mean, I'm not a germaphobe, but I *do* appreciate a clean space. I'd give it a solid 'B', maybe 'B+'.
Is there a pool? Because I'm a pool person. Always looking for a pool.
Ah, the pool question. Yes, there is a pool. And a hot tub (essential after a long day of hiking, trust me). And, here's a story. (Okay, buckle up, it's not THAT exciting). One evening, I was completely *exhausted* from exploring. Hiking, driving, waterfall-gazing. So, I decided to hit the hot tub. I thought it’d be empty. Wrong! There was a family in there, complete with screaming kids and inflatable toys. A classic vacation scene. I lasted maybe five minutes, gave up, and went back to my room. I watched TV. The pool is… fine, as long as you’re prepared for potential chaos.
What kind of "extras" are available (besides the waffles, of course)? Like, is there a gym?
The gym...yes, there’s a gym. A tiny little thing. I peeked inside, and it was... well, it had some treadmills, a few weights, and that vaguely stale gym smell. I didn't use it. I was too busy eating waffles and exploring The Gorge. They had free Wi-Fi, which is essential for me, as I was working remotely (don't tell the boss!). The staff was helpful. The free parking was a plus. But honestly? The waffles were still the highlight.
Any "hidden gems" near the hotel that you'd recommend? Besides the gorge, obviously.
Hidden gems… hmm. Okay. There's this little ice cream shop downtown. It's… well, it's ice cream. But it's good ice cream. And sometimes, that's all you need, especially after a hot day. I also found a decent brewery, but I can't remember the name. Too much IPA! Honestly, the Gorge itself is the hidden gem. The rest is just…stuff. Find a decent coffee shop to kick start your day before heading out to the Gorge, and you're golden. If you see a cute dog, pet it. That's a hidden gem of a moment. Seriously. Pet. The. Dog.
Would you go back? Be honest!
You know what? Yeah. I actually WOULD. Despite the slightly tired decor, the occasional screaming kid in the pool, and the general "small-town" feel...I’d go back. The waffles alone are a pretty compelling reason! The location is decent and the staff was friendly. Most importantly… the Gorge. It's worth the trip. And honestly, sometimes you just need a clean bed, a hot tub, and a waffle-fueled adventure. I’m a sucker for the simple things. So yeah. Go. Enjoy the waffles. And tell them I sent you. (They won’t care, but still.)
